Lucy Cammock talks passionately and with clarity about the subtle side of sexual abuse trauma that trailed her (a church-related sexual abuse survivor) through her life.
“I’m never done with the trauma”, she argues.
And while that may sound hopeless to some, for Lucy, what was more harmful was any idea that at some predetermined stage it would all be over.
Lucy discusses the ideas that she has worked through as a woman and a mother as she works to get into a healthy relationship with her childhood sexual abuse.
My brother suffered sexual abuse while young by an older male.
It took him years to completely overcome the process (20 years), but he has told me that he has forgiven the trespasser and is no longer interested in seeking justice or vengeance. It doesn’t affect him or bother him any more, hardly thinks about the incident, and when he recalls it he isn’t traumatized over reliving the experience.
That said he never pursued damages against his abuser.
I wonder if each victim has different strategy in overcoming their abuse. Elizabeth Smart for instance.
Clear communication to a child goes something like this: “You know how that man or woman made you feel shame and sometimes pain? That sick person (you are not bad) hurts other children and if you tell us what you know, we can make sure this does not happen to other children ever again. You are very brave and we are going to help you and keep talking to you to help you feel safe.“. You must talk to your kids. Parents are embarrassed sometimes, and I think they need to put that aside. The kid that outs a pedophile is a hero! Do kids want their parents to fight for them? I think they do! That FIGHT is innate in all of us!!